a letter to what she wrote: accompanying essay

this piece is in direct response to the phases i exist through. it is a partner piece to my debut solo art showing, “a letter to what she wrote” happening july 1st - july 31st, 2025.

for more information please click here.

dear devotion,

taking the time to sit and be in the abyss creates a level of focus that the eyes would not admit to see. it’s because when you begin to fine tune your sight to the nuances between the colors of nature, what is revealed is the very fabric that life operates within. we have existed in this oddness, which truly speaks to our ability to formulate descriptive understanding; though we are left without the immediate space to interweave due to what the vast variety of concepts offered to us in our times allow.

now, i am currently existing in a space where I am and am not, and it’s not a very uncommon place to be — i am finding. though as i exist in my individuality of it, i am stormed with the discomfort of no longer being and not yet settled into the desires of my discovery. at 25, I am presented with the option to choose. choose what i want, the life i am creating, the decisions that will guide my very life in directions I never thought i would reach. or at the very least, never thought it would showcase. i can see all of the, “if i do this, then i won’t do this…” and the biggest one, “if i do this, will it go against the nature of what I am building…?” in theory, of course the answer will always be no, it won’t. but the keyword that must be looked at is “nature” because though we make the strides and actions steps forward, nature is one to have a large say so in how it plays out. so back to the theory board,,, now in a lot of ways, it can. if i do this one thing, it has a ripple effect that will move my chess piece closer or farther from…

as you can see, I am in a very crunchy state, maybe just a state that describes a feeling, so then maybe it’s really just a feeling. which can at least assist the logistics of my thought. cause in truth, it doesn’t make sense. the merging of self. when i sit in this gray area between selves, its like a tank of knowledge that i’ve been thrown into and told to sift. sift through the knowing and filter through it with your make up. it’s such an beautifully ugly space to be in. loving and trusting yourself to go forward to choose based on what you have always believed in while those beliefs are subject to change because of the very same dynamic you, i, have with myself.

when i look at what devotion breathes like in my life, it automatically brings me to the multidimensionality of it. there are short and long term levels, shallow and areas of depth to uncover, delicate and potent moments that all, no matter the scope, make me step back into my seat. being devoted with such a concentration allows for the brewing of life to cultivate such a character of witness. it allows for a steady balance of dream and reality. not getting pulled into the delusion of fantasy and stunted by the whip of life. this is actually my favorite piece of it all; where i found that there really is a root to all things… including self, decision making, trust, discovery, nourishment, love, and breath.

as i encounter myself in the reflection of others, it’s so clear which parts they give me access to. a full piece of gratitude to the unlocking people offer me with the keys of their soul. putting pressure on the spots within me that i have left for them to find, touch, care for, and crack open. — now I am one for a good catalyst. im one for understanding the approach of fire to create something brand new after being striped of all things that one once knew. to be shown the face of something that which you never believed could ever exist. to be offered a chance to be reborn before you move to the next positioning laid out for you. I think the most challenging space about the silence before every storm is that we are faced with silence in all directions. to the sight, touch, sound, taste, experience, all but what is in thought. the challenge is coming to the awareness that we are no longer what once was and coming out of the mental video log is what helps us weather the storm ahead. however, of course thats where to beauty immediately flows in. having the storm come only when we have the armor on our sleeves.

and when we embark ahead into the thick rains and heavy clouds we are sent with the message to be steady in our own feet. steady with our own hearts. steady within our own minds, so that all of our faculties are online and are in ready position preparing for the steps that are due to be taken. and now as i have begun taking off, and shifting into a moment of picking up new and refreshed cloth, i anchor in the last few bits of the abyss. knowing that i will see it again in another light. i will surely thank it for lifetimes to come for holding me in such a way that allowed for me to exist when i didn’t know which way was forward. thank it for helping my vessel be clarified both in body and in spirit, as for what is to come is fully dedicated to the preparation space.

i now reckon with knowing of the cyclic nature of transformation. we find ourselves in these different phases that mimic previous ones that have held us. and for that, i choose to keep being reborn for the sake of ridding myself of the unruly and flowing into the waters of sanctity.

all pieces are holy

all pieces worthy

all pieces are sacred

all pieces must be seen

heard

loved

trusted

and nurtured

we are in a space and time that no matter the level of disgust, we are allowed to dream

we are allowed to seek reality

we are allowed to balance

we are allowed to reckon with what made us feel like we needed permission

so in the moment

i ask of you to be full

stand true within yourself

listen to your highest expression

and expand to the most you are able to develop

your potency is worth more than what has ever been seen

you taking your time is a right that your body is calling upon you

you trusting in the might of your mind and exponential growth is worth so much to those coming after us

my goodness

they need us

they feel us

in every way.

create with the best of you

as natural selection allows for that best to be the most successful in the entire crowd.

please know that there is a direct line between shadow and light

one will not exist without the other

we must find balance

connecting the two

so there is an embedded remembrance of

what

is

s a c r e d.

HELIA SOUL | July 1st, 2025